When I gave up my weight loss journey in 2018, I felt free. I ate what I wanted. I moved the way I wanted. I dressed the way I wanted. I started to live no matter my weight.

The connection I had with my body grew closer and deeper. I felt fly and alive and I exuded a confidence that I wished I had as a young teen.

And then the pandemic happened, I felt isolated, hopeless, and depressed all 2020 and that's when the disconnect grew. Before I knew it, my body was stiff and ached like the world.

I didn't know this body. This body had pain and was winded after walking up the stairs. Where was the body that was limber and eager to move and show up and out?

I wanted to feel good in my body again. I wanted to feel connected and confident again. And in order to make that happen, something's gotta change but I got scared.

Old thoughts started to creep in. Negative body thoughts and the ideas to restrict and implement diets that don't do anything but be detrimental to my mind.

I kept thinking, "what is change without focusing on weight loss?" How can I get back to wellness without diet culture sucking me in once again? To answer these questions, I talked to a dietician, Esosa of @melaninpoppinrdn.

After this conversation, I dug deep inside of myself to find out what wellness and body respect look like to me. A friend gave me some great advice, she told me to be silent and ask my body what it needs.

So I did. And it was there where I found all of my answers.

Wellness to me is sustainable, pleasurable, and fulfilling.

Body Respect to me is about building a solid relationship with my body no matter what stage we are in. I accept and appreciate the temple I was given always and in all ways.

As for what my body needs. It told me adornment. More nature. More rest. More joyful movement and nourishing meals.

And most importantly — More patience, grace, and self-compassion.
Now that I'm tuned in. It's time to pour in love and action.

Til next time.

Check out Esosa's work on Instagram at @melanin_poppinrdn.

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